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Arthritis Care ‘
Kama
Sutra’ for Valentine’s Day
Everything you ever wanted to know
about sex, but were too scared to ask – that’s the Valentine’s Day
freebie for people with arthritis, for their partners, and their
doctors.
Some nine million Britons of all ages live with arthritis, the
UK
’s biggest single form of physical disability.
And they don’t stop having sex, forming relationships, or having
families just because they have the condition, in one of its 200-odd
forms.
People with arthritis are players in the dating and mating game just
like anyone else – but they often have to work harder at making and
sustaining relationships because they must also cope 24/7 with serious
pain, fatigue, and loss of mobility.
Sometimes, saying it with flowers isn’t enough. That’s why Arthritis
Care has picked St Valentine’s Day (14th Feb) to offer a
free booklet on sex, relationships, intimacy and arthritis,
downloadable from
the website
at:
http://www.arthritiscare.org.uk/PublicationsandResources/Booklets/Livingwitharthritis/main_content/Relationshipsbookletmain.pdf
“One of the reasons we produced the guide is to address issues people
felt awkward discussing.
It may be embarrassing to talk to your consultant rheumatologist, nurse
or GP about emotional and sexual things, or matters of self-image and
self-esteem – and they may be embarrassed to be
asked. So where do you turn?’ said Kate Llewelyn
(CORRECT) head of publications at Arthritis Care, who was diagnosed with
rheumatoid arthritis at the age of thirteen.
The booklet provides a valuable insight for healthcare professionals and
for the partners and families of people with arthritis, highlighting
issues of concern to them, and suggesting practical and achievable
solutions.
For people with arthritis, or other disabilities,
the ‘problems’ can start before any relationship, pre-dating any
date.
Managing pain and other symptoms is exhausting, and it stops many people
getting out and socializing.
As a result, arthritis can be isolating, keeping you from making friends
or seeing family, let alone dating and finding a partner.
And maybe you are not very mobile, so can’t dance, or play sport, or
can’t drink because of your medications. What’s more, although
anti-discrimination law means venues must now offer better access for
disabled people, you still may find it harder to do things people
without arthritis take for granted’, said Kate Llewelyn.
Once a relationship has been formed, the challenges continue; the couple
must work out ways of ensuring their personal and sexual relationship is
sustained and developed, overcoming and working round the incurable and
debilitating condition.
Pain can be a real passion killer but so can drugs for its relief. The
Arthritis Care booklet explains how some people with arthritis find
their sex drive is diminished by their painkillers and medications.
Other factors can be psychological – with gender stereotyping,
men may feel emasculated if they cannot perform their ‘traditional’
roles like playing sport, carrying heavy objects, doing DIY. Equally,
women may feel unfeminine if they put on weight with steroids, cannot do
the housework or lift their children as a result of having arthritis.
Others, with limited joint movement, or severe pain may be put off sex
altogether, or find some of the traditional sex positions too
uncomfortable.
‘The book has got diagrams of lovemaking positions which people of
differing physical abilities and limited movement have found useful. If
you’ve got problems with your spine, or hips, or knees, it makes sense
to experiment
with positions that place least weight or strain on the rogue joints.
Of course, after joint surgery or replacement, you may be advised to
take a temporary break from sex, but, relationships are more than sex,
and, with this guide, abstinence may make the heart grow fonder’, said
Kate Llewelyn.
Some drugs may cause weight gain whilst pain or lack of mobility mean
the person may not be able to do much exercise; this can cause stress
and anxiety about body image and lower self-esteem, especially for
anyone shy.
‘It is easy to forget that very young people have arthritis. There are
some 12,000 children with it.
Adolescence is a time of utter vulnerability and having to explain to
someone you fancy that you’ve got arthritis is a real ordeal for many.
Starting out socialising and dating can be tough – it’s all a bit of
a ‘cattle market’, but if you have got anything that sets you apart
from the crowd and stops you participating, love’s young dream can
soon become a bit of a nightmare’,
As well as the booklet, Arthritis Care runs free, confidential helplines
staffed by trained counsellors, all with personal experience of
arthritis, and callers can request to speak to a counsellor of either
gender.
(13/2/07)
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